Rabbi Daniel: Thoughts on Torah

Dear friends,

In 5786 we are reading the first triennial each week, which means starting each parsha at the beginning. The second verse of the first aliyah (35:2) is: 
וַיְצַ֤ו אֹתָם֙ לֵאמֹ֔ר כֹּ֣ה תֹאמְר֔וּן לַֽאדֹנִ֖י לְעֵשָׂ֑ו כֹּ֤ה אָמַר֙ עַבְדְּךָ֣ יַעֲקֹ֔ב עִם־לָבָ֣ן גַּ֔רְתִּי וָאֵחַ֖ר עַד־עָֽתָּה׃
And [Jacob] instructed them as follows, “Thus shall you say, ‘To my lord Esau, thus says your servant Jacob: I stayed with Laban and remained until now"

Notice how Jacob refers to himself and how he refers to his brother Esau in this verse. He calls himself servant, while calling his brother lord. When Jacob and Esau last spent time together, Jacob had been a part of the ruse to acquire Esau's birthright. This would mean that Jacob would be the one to whom greater respect is due. What do we feel is Jacob's motivation here? Is he just being formal? Is this a gesture of kindness? Perhaps this is self-deprication? 
 
1) Rashi, the 11th century French commentator says, “It is not worth your while to hate me on account of the blessing of your father who blessed me” (27:29) 

“Be master over thy brethren”, for it has not been fulfilled in me (Tanchuma Yashan 1:8:5).

According to Rashi, it seems that Jacob is not feeling very blessed after having left Laban's house cheated, accused, and angry. Jacob, it appears, is lowering himself before his brother out of self pity. 
 
2) Ramban, 13th century Spain, says that Jacob was afraid of Esau even after all this time apart and he lowered himself before his brother to appease him. "He [Jacob] is conducting himself towards him [Esa] as a firstborn and father, in order to remove the hatred from his heart." 
 
3) A third commentator, Chizkuni, from 13th century France, combines these two perspectives together. "Yaakov used this subservient posture in order to cool Esau’s burning anger at what he perceived that Yaakov had done to him. He hinted broadly that his father’s blessing, which had portrayed Esau as subservient to him, had not been fulfilled at all. In fact, he, Yaakov, was quite ready to recognise his older brother as also his senior." 

Any one of these rabbis being correct about Jacob's motivation is as likely as Jacob being correct about his brother's attitude towards him after all this time. 

In life, we can find ourselves caught in situations where we are trying to discern the motivations of the other. It can add even more stress if we are put in a situation where we have to act based on what can only be an educated guess at best. In such cases, we have to take a leap and simply follow our instincts. In Jacob's case, the chance of his choice bringing negative results is far less likely than the choice being taken as a sign of deference. Ultimately, this is what Jacob likely hoped to achieve, a calming of the waters, whether he was feeling extra blessed (over his brother) or not. I would say taking the high road, a path of deference, is usually a good strategy. When delivered with sincerity, it is hopefully taken in the same spirit. 

I hope everyone had meaningful Thanksgiving holiday, 
 
In peace,

Rabbi Daniel