Sermons

Shabbat Shalom

Lily, The late Rabbi Sydney Greenberg once wrote, “A loving parent does not show genuine love by telling a child, “Do whatever you want.” That would not indicate love, but a lack of concern and abdication of responsibility. The truly loving parent says to the child I care very much about you, and although I cannot live your life for you, I want you to have the benefit of my experience.”

Lily, as you noted, the laws of this week’s parsha are not designed to tie our hands or to order us around; there is meaning and purpose to what the Torah is teaching. It all revolves around the most basic rule that is found in this week’s reading, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Rules do not exist just so we can feel superior to others or to build ourselves up at the expense of others. Laws that are designed to make other people feel or be inferior to others are not real laws at all. They are the signs of bigotry in those who proffer these laws.

But the Torah has a different definition of law than we find in many other places. The idea is to be loving and caring to others. If you don’t know how to do that, then here is the outline of the rules that helps us show that our love for others is as important as the way we love ourselves.

Lily, I don’t think that human beings have ever created a law or a rule that someone else can not turn to their own advantage. I am sure you have already learned that “rules were made to be broken”, that “every law has it exceptions” and that we often consider ourselves as exceptions to the rules. People all too often look for an advantage over others in order to make more money, to get further ahead or to win. Somehow, people feel that if they can’t win on their merit or skills alone, somehow it is permitted to cheat.

We live in an age where it seems people are allowed to cheat their way to success as long as they don’t get caught. If a person is caught, then there is this perverse delight in watching them fall. It is like there is some affirmation that my inability to succeed is because I did not dare to cheat like someone else did. And now that person is getting the punishment they deserve. After all, it is because other people cheat that I am prevented from being successful.

Lily, Judaism has a different definition of success. One that does not depend on “winning” or defeating others. The sage, Ben Zoma asks, “Who is rich?” and he answers, “The one who is happy with what she already has.” As long as we clamor for more; as long as we demand that we need to have more than our neighbor; as long as we insist that winning means having more than anyone, then we will never have enough, and we will fight all of our lives for a goal that has no limit, and thus no end.

But Lily, think of what Ben Zoma is teaching. If we are happy with what we have, then we have already won. It does not matter what anyone else has. We can live in peace with others, letting them have what they have and being happy that we have what we have. Everyone wins. We don’t have to steal, lie, hate or cheat others because we already have all we want.

By these standards, Lily, you are a very rich young lady. You have a family that loves you. You have a faith that teaches you to care about others, you have a roof over your head, food to eat, a healthy body and from time to time, for special occasions like your Bat Mitzvah, you can even buy a new outfit to celebrate the occasion. The very things you hate in other people, that they would take advantage of others to get ahead, is only because they think that “more is always better”. You know better, Lily; you know that caring for others is more important than how much cash is in your wallet. You know that having real friends is more important than wearing the right labels on your clothing. You know that an act of kindness to someone else is far more valuable than expensive jewelry. The stuff we own can all disappear in one disastrous flash, but the love we share with others can never disappear.

I tell a story of two candles who fall in love. They have many similarities, they are both long and beautiful to look at. But there is a difference. One candle has a golden flame on its wick, the other has a wick that is cold and dark. But their love is so great that the one with a flame decides that she will give to her beloved her most precious possession, her flame. She would rather her beloved have this most precious gift so she decides to give hers away. She brings her wick close to the dark wick and immediately the flame jumps to the other candle and in moments the other candle has a beautiful flame glowing on his wick. But to the first candle’s surprise, her own wick is not dark, and the flame that she wanted to give away still burns brightly, as brightly as before. The only difference is that now there are two lights, shining twice as bright and bringing twice the light into the world.

Rabbis like to say that love is not a “zero sum game”. Love that is a “zero sum game” means that for me to have love I have to take it away from someone else. No, Lily, love is meant to be shared. We can give away all the love in our hearts and find that the love in our heart is never diminished. It always burns brightly. The only difference is that when we share our love, we light new lights that make this world a better, more loving place.

This is the real choice you are making today. Will you bring more love into this world? Will you love yourself enough to be able to love others? Will you be content with all you have so that you will share the good things in life with those who may be in need? Not so that you will be diminished but, so others will have the opportunity to shine as you shine this day. When it comes to love and kindness, the more you give away, the more you find that you have. Lily, your heart is full of love, kindness and concern for others. It was placed there by your parents, grandparents and family. Now you must do what they have always done: share that love with others so that you can do your part, as a new adult, to bring more light, kindness and love into the world.

May God always bless you, Lily, with open eyes, and open heart and enough love to fill the world. As we say …. Amen and Shabbat Shalom

Sermon given by Rabbi Randall Konigsburg at Beth Sholom B’nai Israel on Saturday, April 28, 2018.